I wasn’t really nervous for it, and was actually quite excited, but I was not ready for what I was about to experience.
I ripped from a bong, took the first big hit, things started feeling funny, I took the second quickly after at which point my vision started becoming warped and I could tell it was really kicking off. I handed the bong to my friend because I could tell it would be difficult to hold it for much longer. The advice of Terrence Mckenna ran through my mind though, and how you need to push for the third hit, even though it really doesn’t feel like you need anymore, to fully break through and get the true transcendent experience. So my friend TK lit for the third hit while I inhaled. I lay back and closed my eyes.
At this point I can’t remember what happened. Here there is a period of 3 minutes (I have watched back video footage) that are unaccounted for and missing from my memory. The next thing I remember was an uncomfortable sensation. I wasn’t sure what it was or where it came from and it took me an eternity to think of what I needed, and then as I opened my eyes, the word that I was looking for came to me. With much struggle, I managed to faintly mumble out the word ‘water’. TK almost immediately handed me a glass of squash, at which point I could feel myself about to throw up. I threw up into my mouth, and TK got a bowl and held it in front of me while I spewed. It was quick and I lay back again and closed my eyes and returned to this other dimension. It is only from this point I can remember the experience. From that first opening of my eyes, I remembered and again became aware that I had taken DMT.
I was completely and utterly overwhelmed. There was too much information for my tiny little brain to handle.
The point I opened my eyes was when I became aware that I had taken DMT, and I felt more safe and relaxed. I can’t remember anything before this point because my brain was so overloaded with information and stimulation, beyond any extreme that I could have ever imagined or dreamt up, that it blocked it out to protect itself, because it was all far too much for me to handle. I believe the state of total awe, astonishment, and shock is what caused me to vomit.
After that I was more able to comprehend and come to terms with the insane things I was seeing, and this is why I am able to remember this part. I lay back with my eyes closed and I was in some other dimension, some other part of the universe or some parallel universe. I would’ve maybe used the word surreal to describe the images I was seeing, however, it all felt too real. It felt more real than anything I’ve ever felt or experienced before. It was so vivid, and alive. It was so real it was scary, and the insane, complex patterns, images, life forms were intimidating because I just didn’t know how to perceive them, understand them or interpret them. They were beyond any prior point of reference my brain was holding. Maybe this is why I was so scared and completely overcome by the initial part before I remembered my state and place in this universe on earth in my friends kitchen.
Every minute or so I would just quickly open my eyes to take a peak of the room I was in, this kitchen, to reassure myself that I could return to this world if I wished, before closing my eyes again and being transported back to this insane place.
It was a very humbling experience, there was a million questions and I had no answers. Maybe it’s not the point to have answers but I felt completely in awe of something on such an incredible scale of complexity. I couldn’t understand it, it was beyond my understanding. I want to learn more about the cosmos and I feel that with a greater understanding of space and different universes and the physics within, I may be able to better understand an experience on such a grandiose scale. My vocabulary doesn’t come close to doing the images I saw justice.
Ultimately, trying to describe the experience, what I saw and what I felt, to someone who hasn’t tried DMT seems almost pointless. I need further time to reflect and review before trying to describe it.
Edit: After more thought, Plato’s Allegory of the Cave seems like the most tremendously fitting thing I can think to resemble the experience. The cave being this world as we understand it in a normal waking consciousness, a person as the prisoner, and DMT acting as what drags the prisoner upwards and out of of the cave. I see the part of my trip which is blank in my memory as the part at which the prisoner feels very distressed and unable to see even one of the things now said to be true.
The more I read it the more it seems to be the perfect analogy for my first experience of DMT;